Sometimes we all like to "go clown", you know, go to McDonalds.
The restaurant is still named after him, but they can't get the clown – Ronald – to do shit at the store anymore.
Having the clown, or Hollywood Ron, as the regular employees call him, work at your location is a burden, like having the owner's spoiled stoner nephew work for you.
He comes in late, eyes all red, and… sits down.
“Oh no, don't worry, Ron, I'll do it. I'll clean the toilets. I don't want you to have to get up.”
And when he does help out in food prep, it’s a pain in the ass.
Hey Ron, there's a hair in this Big Mac?
Oh it's not yours?
Well its a curly, bright red, about a foot long,
Not yours? Well look around Ron, does anybody else here have red hair?”
WE HAVE NO PANCAKES
At McDonald’s they use a lot of “corporate speak,” or made up words for their products.
The other morning I ordered pancakes
The McDonald’s manager said, “we don't have pancakes, we have hotcakes”
“What are hotcakes?”
“Ok I'll have flapjacks. And coffee”
“What size coffee?”
I said, “Venti.”
They said, “What?”
I said, “that means large.” They said “ok.”
Another time, I ordered a cappuccino and they asked, “what flavor?”
And I said, “no flavor.”
They said, “You don't want flavor?”
(aside to other employee) “He don't want no flavor!”
“Sir, I cant be responsible if you don’t like your coffee with no flavor.”
“I like coffee flavor. You don’t have to put a caramel chocolate candy bar in it for me to like it.”
In the drive thru, corporate speak is welcomed and encouraged.
When the intercom says, “Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?”
Say: “Just a McMinute...I’m looking at the McMenu”
“McMay I have the Big McMac, a McMedium McMinute Maid lemonade, and... Mcmaybe…
And yes, one Happy McMeal
How much McMoney will that be, McMa’am?”
In summary, Jack-in-the-Box is the same as McDonalds, but with a scarier clown. And with more fried things: like a sports bar appetizer menu.