Sometimes we all like to "go clown", you know, go to McDonalds.
The restaurant is still named after him, but they can't get the clown – Ronald – to do shit at the store anymore.
Having the clown, or Hollywood Ron, as the regular employees call him, work at your location is a burden, like having the owner's spoiled stoner nephew work for you.
He comes in late, eyes all red, and… sits down.
“Oh no, don't worry, Ron, I'll do it. I'll clean the toilets. I don't want you to have to get up.”
And when he does help out in food prep, it’s a pain in the ass.
Hey Ron, there's a hair in this Big Mac?
Oh it's not yours?
Well it's curly, bright red, and about a foot long,
You still say it's not yours?”
WE HAVE NO PANCAKES
At McDonald’s they use a lot of “corporate speak,” or made up words for their products.
The other morning, I ordered pancakes.
The McDonald’s manager said, “we don't have pancakes, we have hotcakes”
I said, "What are hotcakes?"
MANAGER: Basically pancakes.
ME: Ok I'll have flapjacks. And coffee.
MANAGER: What size coffee?
He said, “What?”
I said, “Venti. That means large.”
He said “ok.”
Another time, I ordered a cappuccino and the cashier asked, “what flavor?”
And I said, “no flavor.”
The cashier said, “You don't want flavor?”
I said, “No.”
CASHIER: (aside to another MANAGER) He don't want no flavor!
MANAGER: Sir, I cant be responsible if you don’t like your coffee with no flavor.
ME: I like coffee flavor. You don’t have to put a caramel chocolate candy bar in it for me to like it.
In the drive thru, corporate speak is welcomed and encouraged.
When the intercom says, “Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?”
Say: “Just a McMinute...I’m looking at the McMenu”
“McMay I have the Big McMac, a McMedium McMinute Maid lemonade, and... Mcmaybe…
And yes, one Happy McMeal
How much McMoney will that be, McMa’am?”
In summary, Jack-in-the-Box is the same as McDonalds, but with a scarier clown.