The Greyhound dog that is.
Make the same choice that neglected minors and just released convicts make:
Go Greyhound and and leave the driving to
that overworked, underpaid guy in the front of the bus who you've never met who is bumming smokes from a teenager.
You may have noticed the exterior redesign of Greyhound buses lately.
Here is the old paint job.
Here is the new paint job.
Inside, it is the same old scene because no paint can cover up the discomfort of strangers forced to sit too close to each other.
But hey, you're on the road and at least you're not at home fantasizing and idealizing the joys of "being on the road." This is real life so you better wake up.
No really you better wake up at every stop on the Greyhound or an exiting passenger will steal your backpack.
Here are some other hints that will help you make the Greyhound your bitch.
1. Take up smoking and buy a carton of cigarettes before your trip.
Smoking at every stop will give you opportunities to meet fellow passengers, form alliances, and hear about plans to steal from sleeping non-smokers.
Cigarettes are a currency on the dog and you want to freely share smokes as a means of acquiring political power BEFORE you need a favor.
2. Do not use any electronic device that may elicit envy from your busmates. That means no smartphone, no eReader, and for gods sake no iPad.
You can safely use an old school Gameboy.
3. Please do not read, as you will be viewed as someone who thinks they are "too good," and you will become less popular. If you insist on reading, at least shrug and say that "it's for a class."
Finally, just remember that going Greyhound, is like going back to high school. Accept your position in the hierarchy and do your best to fit in!